Family

Loving an Eeyore

I spotted the meme above the other day and it totally changed my whole outlook on living with depression. I don’t mean my own depression either, but the depression of a loved one. 

Depression is an illness that doesn’t just affect the one diagnosed with it. You try all you can to get them to ‘shake it off’ or ‘let it go’ and many a time you feel like pulling your hair out in frustration. This in turn gets you down , after years of encouraging and coaxing you feel like giving up yourself, and deep down if you look closely you probably have given up lots of times. 

Simple things like, when the loved one suffers with anxiety and agoraphobia, and they find it difficult to go out. After years and years of asking them to go out and being told no, you stop asking and just go on your merry way and leave them at home. Is that a ‘giving up’ moment? I know I have done it a million times with Mr Rilly. Not because I dont care, but because for the rest of us life carries on, and instead of picking a fight and making us both miserable, I just accept its not going to happen and carry on. After a while you stop asking…. 

But when I saw the meme, it was beautiful and it reminded me to ask again. But not in a negative way, not to put pressure on, but to just make him feel included in the world again. To make him feel like he is a part of my life, just the way he is. Why should depressed people have to act any differently to who they are? Some of us are happy people, how would people feel if you had to constantly tell them to stop talking to people, they are being too sociable, or they are being too kind to other people all the time? They would look at you like you were bonkers, and how dare you tell them how they should act..So therefore is it not the same for someone who is depressed? 

Some people are just that way. No amount of medication, therapy or loved ones making them feel guilty is ever going to change who they are. I have learned to accept my Eeyore. I love him for all his ways, even the gloomy, pessimistic ones. 

How about you learn to accept your Eeyore, Invite them out, even if they say no, invite them out even if they just sit in a corner. They might be depressed, or gloomy, but they do like being around their loved ones too. 

So give your Eeyore a call, and ask them how they are. Call them and just chat, you never know, you might just make them smile, and feel happy, because you are accepting them just the way they are 

 

How Do You Find The Time??

Is a question I get asked a million times? 

The plain and simple of it, I don’t !! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. After having been out of work for some time, I soon realised I don’t like to sit around doing nothing. I have to be doing something. So when I was unable to work, due to PTSD, which is a whole different blog post, I started to eBay. It started off by just selling bits and bobs around the house, just like everyone else. I soon realised that I was finding it quite therapeutic too. I was interacting with people even if it was just on a virtual level, I liked that. I liked that I was good at it too. An opportunity came along where I was able to use some of the money I had made to buy more items to sell. From there RillyRoos started to grow. When it was getting too big for my bedroom, I knew I had to do something. 

We went off to get a storage locker, which then became two, then three, and an office. Before long, it was time to move into bigger pastures. We are now proud occupiers of a warehouse. 

But, this doesn’t answer the 1st question of ‘How do you find the time?’ 

As I have already said…. I don’t! 

I am up any time from 5.30 in the morning, some days I have a crafty snooze on the settee, and some days I just straight onto the PC to check the previous nights sales and answer any queries. Check emails and messages for potential clients etc, and then its time to get 4 out of the 6 fed & dressed ready for the day ahead and I often fall into bed at Midnight after finishing off bits & bobs from the day before. 

I have to say, if it wasn’t for Mr Rilly, I don’t think we would be as successful as we are now. He has given up his time and his career to be a stay at home dad, (Don’t tell him I said so, but he is pretty damn good at it) 

So there I am at the warehouse, 5 days a week, 8-9 hours a day, and I come home and often finish off little bits, or communicate with buyers and clients. And then BOOOOOM a new thing starts!! School event photography & Friends getting married and they know I have a love of photography, and its something I have wanted to try, so as a gift to them I have done their wedding photos, and I have to admit, I am pretty OK at it. Very proud of the shots (and thankfully so are the Brides & Grooms). Not only now do we have one business with 49 clients to sell for, in my spare time I do photography. 

I am not a wonder-woman, a supermom, or a career driven maniac, I am just a woman who likes to keep busy. 

Back to the question again…. How do I find the time?? I don’t, I MAKE the time. I enjoy what I do, I like being busy, I have a family that is supportive of the businesses, so its worth making that time for. 

And that’s the key, If you enjoy something, don’t just sit their moaning about not having the time to do it… MAKE the time to do it, what ever it may be. 

How Could I Love Another Baby As Much As You

There is nothing more magical that starting the journey of motherhood. You could never believe it possible to love another human being so much, having only just met them for the very first time, but you do. That wonderful moment when you hold your baby for the first time, and you watch their little face, you life couldn’t be any more perfect.

You watch this wonderful bundle of poop, sick and noise, grow. It toddles, it breaks things, it shouts really loud in public places, but you still smile with the tired smile of a mother, but with love pouring from your heart.

Next, whether it be planned or an happy accident, you find yourself pregnant again. You start off happy and excited to do it all over again. But, a little doubt, a little niggle creeps in. How on earth could I love another baby as much as I do for number 1?

I imagine it this way. 1st baby arrives and with it, it gives you a cake, the cake is how much you love your first baby, a whole cake full. The frosting is perfect, the aroma is intoxicating. This cake/love away from your first child? the reason for your being, the one who gave you this great big cake of motherhood love.

You cry, you wonder how, and the big day draws closer and closer, you keep looking at this cake and try different ways of splitting it between the 2 kiddies… 

But then, when baby comes, it comes with a huge suprise. It has its very own cake. Exactly the same size as the 1st cake, the design is different and the flavour is a little different too, but its just as perfect as the first. 

There is no sharing of love when it comes to your children, each child comes with its own cake, with its own frosting, and design. You may love all your children in their different ways, but if you could measure the cakes. They would all be exactly the same.

I feel very lucky to have 6 fabulous cakes. No wonder I am fat though 😉

2’s Science Project – Make a Plant Cell

If you have children that have just gone into secondary education, chances are they will come home with this project. Like any good parent you will be sitting with your 11/12 year old trying to decide how they should make their science project (without trying to do it yourself…LOL) 

We looked at loads of different ones, from jelly made, cake made, card & paper mache … Until Momma had a brainwave!!! 

I remembered seeing 5’s reception class TA making some of this awesome gloop and I have been dying to make some and this was my perfect excuse. 

Have you ever mixed cornflour & water??? It makes a fabulous solid gloop. The same stuff Jon Tickle added to the custard when he walked on it during an episode of Braniac. Solid when you impact it hard, but very gloopy if you slowly move your fingers around it. 

So this was the cytoplasm and the container was the cell wall. 2 then had to hunt around the cupboards for the extra parts. 

Here is what he came up with 

Plant Cell

Plant Cell

 

Simple, cheap, and totally ACE.

Well done 2 (and well done to the brainiest Mum ever… LOL)

Lifestyle or Niche or Both?

I have just read a fantastic, or should I say a ‘Fabulous‘ blog about the various different blogs and what they mean. I was looking to see where I fall, I have 3 blogs. One for Business, one for photography and this one which seems to be all the left over bits. My problem is, am I spreading myself too thin? Should I concentrate on just one blog and have everything in there, or do I keep everything separate.
Its a shame really because this is the blog that gets left out because I dont know what to blog about sometimes… LOL

Is my family life really that exciting? I am not a super mum, I am not crafty, and I have no patience with the kids making a mess everywhere every single day… So what pearls of wisdom do I have to offer the world of blogging. How to screech really loud ? or Busting the Bedtime Butts maybe?

I offer some time saving recipes, and my odd random inspirational craft exercise, I dont do overly personal, I am not one to pour my heart out about an arguement I had with Mr Rilly (not that we do argue anyway)

I think we are a humorous family, we have lots of in jokes and crazy quirks just like all families. Maybe this is what I should blog, Rilly and the Crazy Mini Rillys.. LOL

Do you ever feel the same? Do you always know what you are going to blog about? or do you just wing it and blog anything? Where does your blog fall?

Its quite interesting really to see the variety of bloggage there is.

Family No Theme Pics.

Just some gorgeous shots of my beautiful family.

Using some of the techniques learned from previous themes. Its amazing to see how much my photography has developed by just taking a photo a day (and somedays a lot more than 1)

This is 1.

This is 1.

 

This is 3. My Special Princess. Always grubbily perfect x

This is 3. My Special Princess. Always grubbily perfect x

 

3 being her usual cheeky self

3 being her usual cheeky self

 

The Donna Louise Trust – Our Experiences

The first time we ever had the privilage to be part of the Donna Louise Trust was when Holly was just 7 months old. She was still very very poorly from her operation. She was still tiny too and only just out of newborn clothes. She was NG fed and also had to have oxygen with her at all times.

How the trust helped us, was when we were invited to have a short stay in their respite hospice TreeTops. A beautiful place with everything a baby, toddler, child or teen could want. With a huge multi-sensory roon and a beautiful hot tub, and the building surrounded by stunning gardens.

At the time we had just the 2 boys and Holly, we nervously went for our first stay. They showed us to the parents accommodation up stairs. They are lovely little rooms, warm and comfortable and very relaxing, and then took all the children off to play. 1 & 2 LOVED it there. They did go a little wild to start with, but they were well behaved with it thankfully. Holly cried a lot, which upset me at first, I couldnt leave her, and no one pushed me too, although it was about having a rest and a break from seeing to Holly’s feeds and cares and just enjoy Holly for Holly. No one ever said I was doing too much or not enough, everything you wanted to do was OK.

Photobucket

The staff are so amazing too, you watch them with all the other children no matter their ability or disability and you can see the children LOVE being with them, and they are having so much fun. The smiles that greet you every time you go make you feel at home, make you feel that you are not a burden, and that you are doing a great job.

Photobucket

Your heart breaks for some of the other families, you truely appreciate that in actual honestly, although your life can be a bit bad at times there is always someone worse off.

As Holly has gotten older and the family has grown, we are still welcomed with the same loving arms as we always have. Holly always comes home with clothes covered in paint, goo and yummy yummy food, she drags her carer around and they have such wonderful patience as they put her in the Fairy dress up set, take it off, put her in the police suit, take it off, put her in the fairy dress, take it off… and so on and so on. They never say “Oh Holly thats enough now” like I would do at home, they are never too busy, and no play is too messy. The whole place looks like a bomb has dropped when the Rilly Clan descend on the place. But again, no one ever says “Hey, you made the mess you clean it up”  (apart from me and Mr Rilly to our bunch)

Photobucket

The staff regularly join in on the Hide & Seek games, or football in the corridor, or even the odd water fight too. Its amazing how far you can fire water from a 50ml syringe 😉

Summer is beautiful there, the doors are wide open and the kids run in and out, there are bikes and trucks, goals, hoops and swings for them to play with. Ball pits and sandpits too.

Photobucket

The Donna Louise Trust is a wonderful charity set up to help families with children that have life limiting illnesses. The scale is immense from Cancer & Tumours, Heart problems, and severe Autism, and each and every child in their care is as special as the next.

Photobucket

Because it is a charity why not reach in your pocket and just donate a few pounds. I have not been asked by the charity to write this, this is from my heart for them.

http://www.justgiving.com/dlt

So please give… If you can

At the Dinner Table

 

How important is it to you to sit at the dinner table as a family?

Is it something you do only at Christmas? Or for certain meals of the week?

Do only the children have their meals first and you later? or do you all sit together?

 

For us its a must.

  1. The main part being for me I dont have to cook 2 separate meals. We all sit at the same time and eat the same meal. I think it stops a lot of the fussy eating and shows younger children some table manners.
  2. The mess… Have you seen the mess under 5’s can make on your settee? Oh yes we have had the odd lazy times and sat with dinner on our knees. RULE 1 – NEVER give under 5s beans to eat on your settee… Poor settee, never the same again.
  3. Communication – Its our chance to sit with them all and ask how they are, was school OK, what homework is there, any problems. A chance to praise them up for achievements in the day, like 5 being a good boy and going toilet, 4 not having a tantrum etc.. Also its a good time to have a giggle with all the family. (as you can see in a previous blog)

If communication is a hard thing for you, maybe you are out of practice perhaps, then why not try some simple games. Depending on the age of the kids. Younger children you can play alphabet games, like name an animal with A, B, C etc or a cartoon character, or even play I Spy, its OK if they dont know their letters, use colours instead. Not only will this help smaller children to communicate it will help them to sit, concentrate and learn too.
For older kids try “Replace movie titles with… ” We have all seen these games on Twitter, the combinations are very funny. Let them take it in turns to choose. Also try the memory games with older kids, like the old “I went to the market and I bought… ”

Sitting at the table is an important Family time to me, not just a place to eat.  So how about you??

 

Homebirths – Why I like them

Did I have a homebirth because statistically they are better for mum and baby and less likely to have any medical/surgical intervention??

Actually, no. I wanted my first homebirth because I wanted my creature comforts. I wanted to chill out in my own bed, with my husband and baby, and not cry that first night when they send him home and leave me in a cold noisy ward. I wanted my partner to be there ALL the way through and for him to be the one to hold baby for me while I take a wee, and not leave them in a crib by the side of the bed.

I had my 1st homebirth 10 years ago. Things have changed quite a bit since then too. 10 years ago it was your community midwife that came out to you, regardless of what shift she was on, or if she had only just gone to bed. She would call another of her colleagues and they would come too. I remember phoning my Midwife at 11.30 ish after a wild day nesting like a woman possessed. My Contractions were mild to start with, but soon made me quite sicky. I phoned my Mum, Carls Mum & Dad, and my sister too. It was a busy house that night when they came over. The contractions started to get uncomfortable so I went upstairs to settle into giving birth.

It was my 2nd labour so settled in for the long haul. Puffing on my gas and air, I am starting to get closer and closer. I was never nervous about it. It felt right, and perfect. Baby wasn’t budging down though, no matter how hard I tried to push. At one point my little canister of gas and air had run out, and they were struggling to get the pipes to swap over. Longest 2 minutes of my life so far then.

The waters wouldn’t pop on their own either so my midwife suggested that they pop the sac for me, which I agreed to.  Oh My GOD the contractions kick in good after that. Steven was born at 7.30 that morning, his big brother was his first visitor, it was lovely to hear Carl tell all the family that were waiting downstairs that we had a new family member.

The midwives stay for 2 hours after he was born, and then nipped back later in the day just to check on us. Back then the GP came out too to give you a check over as well.

My 2nd homebirth was a little different. Same house. 4th baby. I nipped for a wee around 5am on a Tuesday morning, and had a little show. Nothing much but enough to give me a flutter of excitement. I poked Carl, just to let him know, and to tell him the boys name we had picked I didnt actually like anymore and we need to think of another one.

Soon after I started to get niggles.

The niggled soon turned into contractions. By 6 I was on the phone to the labour ward asking them to send the Homebirth team out to me. The team was actually out with another lady at the time and they should have told me to come in, but she could tell by my voice that baby wasnt too far away. She said she would ask a couple of the midwives that were finishing their shifts if they could pop across too me.  I hadnt heard anything by 6.45 so I tried to phone again. A lot more huffy and puffy now. “yes they are on their way”

I had some Meptid that I had on prescription from the doctor for my pain relief, so managed to hang on huffing and puffing until the midwife arrived. Which she did a little after 7. I asked about the meptid and she had to tell me no, their needed to be 2 midwives present in order for me to have the meptid. So again I huff and I puff, waiting for the 2nd midwife to come. The time is now around 7.30, the 2nd midwife turns up and I ask again about the meptid. They chatted but both agreed that we were nearly there now and may as well manage with just gas & air which she will get from the car now.

At 8 I ask “Where is the gas & air” whilst gasping through contractions.

“Erm… Sorry but we forgot the tubes”

As you can imagine, my world just crumbled. I just crumbled. I had been holding on and holding on so I could have some pain relief.  I cried into my settee “This is my 4th baby, I have nothing to prove”

After a good cry though, I clicked and saw a spark of logic… One way to stop this pain… PUSH BABY OUT!!! 8.20, Tara was born.

My 3rd homebirth. Now I was a teeny bit afraid with this one. I asked all they way through Make sure I have tubes, make sure I have gas & air, dont let me down, pack spares. It was a Sunday morning. Before any of the little ones woke up. Just a few niggles but then quickly. BANG in labour. Oddly I cant remember as much detail about this birth. Probably due to the fact I had double the supply of gas & air to make up for the last one. I do remember the little ones waking up and Carl getting them ready to send to his Mums house (only next door). Again baby wouldnt move down and my waters would just bulge but not POP. So I asked them to pop them this time for me. Just as they had with Stevie, the contractions BURST into life, and Theodore was born shortly after.

My 4th homebirth was a little more lighthearted. I am a big social networker. I facebook and tweet etc.. My facebook friends would joke that I would end up giving them a blow by blow account of my labour through my updates. So thats exactly what I did. The kids had just gone off to school, it was a thursday morning, and as I was pottering about I started to get the niggles. So I updated my status… That got my phone pinging with frantic urgency. From 8.30 until 12, I battled through the contractions joking and laughing while updating my status. I got to 7 cms before my gas & air came. I even tried to update my status on my phone while high on the gas & air, not something I recommend you try… well OK but only for a laugh. My own community midwife and her student delivered Carl Jr at 1.30 with 300 ladies present, all waiting to see his first picture.

So, why do I like homebirths?? Is because they are easy. They are relaxed, they are chilled out. They are the way we should have our babies.. if we can.

No … I am not mad..

“Awwww, is this your first?” I have been asked.

“No, my 6th” … now wait for it, here it comes

“are you mad?” “Don’t you have a telly?” ”

Oddly enough, no I am not mad, a little frazzled every now and then, but certainly not mad. Madness would be continuing to have children if I didnt really want them, but for some strange reason I actually like my kids. Yes its noisy, and its messy, and lots of hard work at times, but its wonderfully rewarding. The hustle and bustle is an attraction to some, they love our chaos.

And as for a TV, yes we do have a telly.

Another one I hear a lot is “You are finished now?? ” to which I can only reply… “more than likely” or “probably” and the occasional “I think so” Chances are if I had the opportunity to have another I would.

So when you are surprised  at someone in the supermarket that has slightly above the average number of children, think to yourself first… does this woman look crazy? The big chance is, no, she wont be crazy, just has a lot of love to give, and is happy to give it to her children.

Now the real madness sets in when you are trying to run your business and toddlers start to chew on your accounts, and the older infants start to ‘Help’ by folding (but we know its just rolling) your wares, but that is a topic for another time